Hey-man Magazine

The stuff men are made of

Goin Legit

Hey everybody we have moved to Hey-manmagazine.com as our permanent location. You can still read all of our posts on there and all future posts will be put up there as well. I still have to finish building my theme for the site and getting all of my images set up but please bear with me everything will be finished soon.

Please throw as many ideas out there as possible because the more we grow the more we will give you to read. Thanks guys.

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The best idea for a first date…

…carried out by a pansy!

So you’ve finally got a date with the girl you have been pathetically obsessing over for that last few years, good for you! You are glad to be taking her around town, out to dinner, and ending it all with seeing A Perfect Circle in concert. What can possibly go wrong with such a wonderful evening? I am sure everything leading up to the concert was just lovely, but how could the concert ruin things so easily? You are a nothing but a little bitch with a girl more masculine than you are at a metal concert. I see disaster in your future.

You arrive at the venue, make your way through the crowd until you settle on a good spot, and look over at her with a smile on your face to see her smiling right back at you. So far so good. You are enjoying the set list of a band that you both call favorite and life seems good. Out of nowhere some douche bag gets in her way and wont move after she repeatedly tells him that she cannot see the stage. He replies with a snide remark and now its on, an all out screaming match between this small girl and some huge guy at a concert. Next thing you know this silly asshole is in your face telling you to keep your bitch on a leash before she causes trouble. Now we already know that you are a pussy but will you take this opportunity to redeem yourself? Hell no! Rather than taking a breath and growing a pair of balls you just look back and say “Sorry she is not with me.” What the fuck happened to this world? “Not with me” is the route you decided to take?

Please do not misunderstand why I am calling you a bitch. You did not have to fight this guy to be a man but surely you could have diffused the situation without losing whatever dignity you had. To make matters worse your “date” now takes charge of the situation and says something so clever, so obscene, and so aggressive that the dickhead who caused this whole mess walks away head down. Its amazing isnt it, although do not for a minute forget the part where no one else is as immasculated as he is except for yourself. If you are out with a girl and she decides to call another guy and complain about how pathetic you are then its already game over. Not only were you already beat, but you just had to dig the hole deeper by telling her that your fists hurt from you clenching them in anger, didnt you? She fought the battle for you dude, too late to try and act tough.Good luck getting that second date.

Readers, unless you want to be alone or at the most be with someone with balls infinitely larger than yours, please do not follow this guys example.

If it’s too loud, you’re too old! (Part two)

Fucking insane are the only two words that can possibly describe the concert with any accuracy. New York Dolls, Poison, and Motley Crue totally exceeded my expectations and had me begging for more when it was over and all I could hear is the ringing in my ears. Any notions of age slowing these guys down quickly dissipated the second they stepped on stage and started playing. Although I did not have nearly enough to drink for a concert such as this one($13/beer is unacceptable),
there was not one minute when I found myself bored or waiting for something else.

It all began with New York Dolls hopping on stage and playing while everyone was getting into the arena and finding their seats. As far as opening acts go the Dolls did a damn good job of getting the crowd psyched just as the party outside came to a grinding halt. With most of the seats empty until just before the end of the act it was clear which bands everyone was waiting for. Despite the fact that most everyone was primarily there for Poison and Motley Crue it did not stop those of us already inside from enjoying a kick ass opening.

After a brief intermission an explosion shook the building as Poison appeared from behind a wall of flame and smoke. The audience erupted with applause, cheers, and whistles as frontman Bret Michaels arose center stage from a hidden elevator and took the mic. It was definitely a badass entrance, he earned serious style points for that shit. Now to be fully honest I do appreciate Poison’s music but I am not a frequent listener or big fan but after tonight I must say they have sparked an interest. The set list was phenomenal but what really got me pumped was the stage presence of Michaels and guitarist C.C. Deville. Neither one slowed for even a second and by the last song the charisma of Michaels had me wondering “why is it over” rather than “when is it over”. By the time the last note of “Nothin’ but a Good Time” was finished ringing more explosions rocked the stage as Poison went out with an even bigger bang than they started with.

After Poison I sat in anticipation waiting for Motley Crue to get started. I had big expectation for the show because to prepare they actually put a curtain up on stage to hide what they were doing. This time without warning more explosions shook the ground as the curtain fell to reveal Tommy Lee playing under a small set of lights. Soon the spot lights shifted to the far sides of the stage as Nikki Sixx and Mick Mars moved in toward the center of the stage. At this point it is already clear that the first song on their list for the night was going to be “Wild Side.” Suddenly out of nowhere the lights jump to the left side to show Vince up on a platform shouting the opening verses of the song with two gorgeous dancers up there with him. When I say gorgeous dancers damn did these girls look incredible! After the three slid down a pole to the base of the stage the crowd is already going nuts. I was surprised how dynamic and unrelenting these guys were on stage, especially with each other. Vince would not stop fucking around with Nikki and Mick, their behavior similar to The Three Stooges. Even with the goofy but highly entertaining antics they were still able to deliver quality music that I would expect from a band that has been playing together as long as they have. Even Tommy got to join in on the theatrics as his drum set was attached to a roller coaster like ring that actually barrel rolled him sideways and upside down during his drum solo. Shortly after that one of the technicians fell from the top of the structure and dangled above Tommy. I would assume it was an accident because mid song Vince turned around and said oh shit. The night ended with “Kickstart my Heart” as Nikki spit blood all over the front row and Tommy kicked his drumsticks deep into the crowd.

I know on the first part I was unsure if these guys were gonna be a bit off after doing this shit for 25-30 years but they did not miss a beat. It is true that these guys are getting older but from what I have seen their spirit remains ageless and they will be on stage until their bodies cannot take anymore. Midway through the set Nikki gave a small little “prayer.” He was very straight forward in saying Jon Bon Jovi should fuck himself for saying they all need to grow up, but did make a damn good point of saying you only have one life and what the point if you don’t enjoy it. Perhaps real youth is just a state of mind.

If you ever have a chance I highly recommend checking out all three of these groups live because you will not experience another show like it. Even when no one was on stage the entertainment did not take a break. The air was thick with smoke and smelled of alcohol and there were several guys who decided to take on each other, take on the security guards, and eventually take a trip out of the arena. With the exception of the intermissions the whole night was all about wailing guitar solos, screaming vocals, drum crashes so loud they could rival even the biggest thunder-clap, and an insane amount of beautiful girls that you could hardly describe as being clothed. What more could a guy ask for?

If it’s too loud, you’re too old! (Part one)

Chapter One – Before the show

Before I start let me apologize for spelling and punctuation, I am posting this on my phone.

Tonight both Motley Crue and Poison take the stage in Camden to rock the city to its core. I will mostly be covering the Crue’s performance since my attendance is based solely on their show. To kick it all off, the party in the parking lot is in full swing and the people are in a frenzy that could only be driven by 80’s hair metal. Alcohol, blasting stereos and beautiful women with and without clothes make up the base of this party.

Although the magnitude of the party in the lot exceeds my expectations I cannot help but wonder what effect age has had on these bad boys from L.a. I have no doubt in my mind that Vince, Tommy, Nikki, and Mick will put on an explosive show that will stand up to any modern musical act; however, both age and the ever-changing music industry can take its toll on any artist. Only time will tell if this show sets the tone for the rest of the summer or if a lackluster performance will signal the dying days of a hard rock giant.

Check out chapter two late tonight or tomorrow to find out about the show.

Its time to MAN UP!

I can only speak for myself but I am tired of reading all the same boring shit on the internet everyday. I hate circling through the same set of websites hoping for something new and interesting. If you feel the same way I do then this is where you belong.

I do not know what has changed, but these days it seems as though most men are afraid to be what they are. There is nothing wrong with being a sensitive guy, but walking around with your balls cut off is another story completely . Could it be that we have gone from great iconic badasses like Clint Eastwood and John Wayne to slightly less than masculine figures such as Tom Cruise and Justin Bieber? Even outside of the movies, men like Hemingway and Teddy Roosevelt were two real life mans men that destroyed everything in their paths.

If you are not easily offended and want to read unbiased articles about cars, chicks, bikes, guns, the great outdoors or whatever else you consider to be a mans topic keep following Hey-man Magazine. If you want a particular topic researched, tested, and written about bullshit free, we are the guys to do it for you.

Ladies, you are not only invited but also encouraged to read. There are far too many articles and magazines out there where women are writing about what men want – but who knows what men want better than the men that want it. Again if you are easily offended you probably want to keep your distance.

Any articles you would like to write or topics you want us to tackle please email editor@hey-manmag.com